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Wednesday, September 2, 2020

BREAKING UP WITH OLD FRIENDS AND FINDING YOUR TRIBE

 Friend breakups. We've all had them. They're hard. They're messy. Sometimes they're necessary.


Throughout my life, I have always had a core group of friends — friends that were always there for me no matter what. That core group changed over the years, but each one supported me just the same. Every single one of them still holds a special place in my heart. But I also strived to have a lot of friends. Looking back on that now, most were acquaintances (if I'm being generous), but at that time the number of MySpace and Facebook friends I had mattered most.


As I get older, I realized that I don't need a huge amount of friends. I just need the ones that matter. I've grown apart from friends I thought would be by my side forever; high school buddies, sorority sisters, even some of my bridesmaids. Growing apart is just a part of growing up. Parents tell you that after you and your old best friend end up in different classes. They tell you that when you join one extra-curricular activity and your friend joins another. They tell you that when you move out of the city to go to college.


However, no one tells you about friend breakups. No one tells you how painful they are. No one tells you that no matter how hard you try to fix the problem, nothing will help. No one tells you that it can make you feel lost and alone. No one tells you that it's just a way of life, and sometimes those things happen. Some friendships run their course, and that doesn't make those friendships any less meaningful during its time. It is just time to move on.


I recently had to end a friendship that I truly did love. Some things were weighing heavily on my heart and I came to her attempting to start an open conversation about it. In my opinion, things went great... until they didn't. We spent the next 3 weeks without contact. I waited it out, giving her time and hoping it would help. I wanted things to get better. I had so much hope that they would, but they didn't. So I finally cut the cord. She did not take it well, and that's okay. Everyone reacts differently, and everyone's feelings are valid. No matter how upset she was, I know that what I did was best for me personally, and that's all I can really ask for.


If you told me one year ago that I'd be the person to end a friendship, I'd tell you you were crazy. I hated confrontation and, at the time, I still wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to be friends with everyone.  I wanted to be liked by everyone. But now, not so much. I've realized that I don't need to please people who truly don't care about me. That mindset really came to me when I found my people.


I honestly believe you find those who were meant to be in your life in the most unexpected ways.

*others not pictured. i love y'all so much. you know who you are.*

The friends who are in my life now have given me so much clarity on the type of people I want around. They've made me realize that I'm strong enough to cut people out of my life who are bringing negativity to it. They've helped me understand the true meaning of friendship. And I am so incredibly thankful to have them in my life. I can sincerely say I have found my tribe.


My mom always told me you find your true best friends when you have kids. And while I'm interested to see what my life will look like when that does happen, I'm positive my tribe, my best friends will be by my side even when I do have a little one running around. And for that I'm truly thankful.

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